Saturday, February 14, 2009

Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge can be a blog entry

Back in high school, I had a crush on this girl that I never confessed. We became really good friends, but nothing more than that. We hanged out almost everyday and talked on the phone when we were not hanging out. I never told anyone I had a crush on her, but to my best friend. I also spent a lot of time with my best buddy in high school, so by extension, the three of us were always together. We had great times, even though I never told her how I felt. See, the time we spent together was so great that I didn't want to spoil it by pouring my feelings into a perfectly happy and working friendship. For some reason, I had a feeling that she didn't like me more than as a friend, so there was no point in making things awkward.

We all moved far away after high school. We kept in touch for the first year, whenever we could, but time eroded our friendship. At some point, the only way I knew how my crush was doing was through my best friend. My best friend and my crush became really good friends to a point that I felt left out. I felt jealous, and I think that was why I distanced myself from both of them. My best friend tried hard to keep us together because he knew about my feelings about her, but distance and time are two bitches.

A few years later, we finally had a mini reunion. My buddy and I were on our way to pickup my crush, and somehow, the fact that I had a big crush on her came up. He told me that it was the right thing that I never confessed to her. Naturally, I underestimated my friend's assertion, and said that I could have had hooked up with her, had I had confessed. Then he told me she had a big crush on him and that it was through me that she could hang out with him. It was a shocking moment. I felt stupid for not seeing that she had a crush on my best friend. I felt respected because my best friend never hook up with her. I felt like the obstacle that ruined a potential relationship. 

After the mini reunion, and before we all headed to our own way far away, my best friend came out of the closet. I realized that I was looking at reality through a fogged up window, and finally someone clear the window. This is the closest I've been in a love triangle.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Reasons

There is a reason for almost anything we do, and the first entry for this blog is to justify its existence. I've written other blogs before and for sometime, I have started writing facebook notes. The problem with those is that I can't never achieve anonymity. Writing on those is good when you want to share something about yourself, but when it comes to writing about your perceptions on your very own friends, you can't. Yet, I want to share my thoughts with the world (the stranger world) to make sure I am not crazy.

If for some reason, you identify yourself in this blog, I must be clear that I am not doing this to harm anyone, but I just want to achieve another level of honesty, and maybe someday I will be share this with my known ones. For now, this blog is for the unknown ones...